Sometimes you have to let go

Shit happens.....like so often!! (told you I'll be back with more moaning and weeping)

Sometimes there is just no point to continue in an argument. I was 'arguing' with the tuan penyelia (again!) and I realized at one point, there is no way I'm gonna change the perception of this person. I admit partly the faults were mine, but seriously its no big deal and amendable. But on her side, even the little things she could not let go! It has to be MY fault whatever what.

You know, the hardest thing for any person to do is to admit his/her mistakes. I believe the only key for improvement starts by admitting that you are wrong. From there you are clear which part of your personality should be corrected/impriove whatever. And...be open to other people's opinion and listen to others perception about yourself. Haih..this type of person rasa dia je yang betul..Susah la nak deal macamni.

God..I only want to finish this as soon as possible and escape from this place. Why should I stay in a place where I know I am not being appreciated?? Entahla labu...the thing is, my personality seems to contradict with my own boss most of the time. So it makes my life more miserable, apart from the work that's already highly energy/time-demanding itself. Kalau penat bekerja, tapi happy takpe, but now I don't think both are worth to sacrifice. Not anymore.

Best way is to walk away..........

*Usaha, tawakal, redha and serahkan segalanya pada Dia* ;)

I'm trying to let go of this depressing and tormenting thoughts....to regain my peace and serenity...

let go jehan...let go...

Am confused with myself

Today somebody uttered something to me that, I would say....SHE SHOULD NOT!

I could not recognise what strength was given to me (by Him), because I was not instantly offended when I heard it. Instead, I was very calm and listen to her next few words very carefully. I remeber feeling a bit sad, and in my head, I was telling myself "I am not easily broken. I will use all the power in my hand to make sure things are alright. All I need is little more time! To prove her wrong! It's too early to make any comclusions. Even she can't say for sure that I will ...............)" Yes, I remember saying this silently to myself....

When come to think of it now, the whole scenario should have been extremely devastating. There was ONE BLOODY SENTENCE that hurt the most. Not then, as I said, I was calm then, but now the words sounded sharp (and bitter), and the expression she has on her face is very lucid in my head. I know where my faults are, but the comments she made was just totally the wrong way to deliver the message...Do not let anyone downgrade you, do not...

I refuse to surrender to this tormenting memories. By recapping the whole incident over and over again, will just make me feel more upset than I am already are. I know I will not give in to this difficult time (goodness, am working on it!), so I dont need anyone to tell me that my future is already damned before I even get to the end line.

The only thing (and a few other things) I hate about myself is not knowing how to defend myself in such circumstances. I am good at maintaining my temper, I would say it is one of my strong points, but it can also be my weakness. (I can be bitchy, I just prefer the other way). In this case, now, I really think I should have said something. Not that I was agreeing to her comments, I guess I was just shocked to the extend of becoming silent. That's my natural mechanism of protection against heartache. Hmm....Not long after that, we were talked and gigled as usual about some other things as if the offensive comments meant nothing to me. Or as if it was some normal, usual comments for her to give.

I realised that being calm is a symbol of strength but it could also be a sign of ignorance...Which one is ME??

All I know of me is, sticks and stones may break my bones, but names can never hurt me..certainly not her!