Today somebody uttered something to me that, I would say....SHE SHOULD NOT!
I could not recognise what strength was given to me (by Him), because I was not instantly offended when I heard it. Instead, I was very calm and listen to her next few words very carefully. I remeber feeling a bit sad, and in my head, I was telling myself "I am not easily broken. I will use all the power in my hand to make sure things are alright. All I need is little more time! To prove her wrong! It's too early to make any comclusions. Even she can't say for sure that I will ...............)" Yes, I remember saying this silently to myself....
When come to think of it now, the whole scenario should have been extremely devastating. There was ONE BLOODY SENTENCE that hurt the most. Not then, as I said, I was calm then, but now the words sounded sharp (and bitter), and the expression she has on her face is very lucid in my head. I know where my faults are, but the comments she made was just totally the wrong way to deliver the message...Do not let anyone downgrade you, do not...
I refuse to surrender to this tormenting memories. By recapping the whole incident over and over again, will just make me feel more upset than I am already are. I know I will not give in to this difficult time (goodness, am working on it!), so I dont need anyone to tell me that my future is already damned before I even get to the end line.
The only thing (and a few other things) I hate about myself is not knowing how to defend myself in such circumstances. I am good at maintaining my temper, I would say it is one of my strong points, but it can also be my weakness. (I can be bitchy, I just prefer the other way). In this case, now, I really think I should have said something. Not that I was agreeing to her comments, I guess I was just shocked to the extend of becoming silent. That's my natural mechanism of protection against heartache. Hmm....Not long after that, we were talked and gigled as usual about some other things as if the offensive comments meant nothing to me. Or as if it was some normal, usual comments for her to give.
I realised that being calm is a symbol of strength but it could also be a sign of ignorance...Which one is ME??
All I know of me is, sticks and stones may break my bones, but names can never hurt me..certainly not her!
4 comments:
just hang in there jehan....well thats life..some times it dose tend to break our self into small bits...
well i just passed that phase baru2 nih...giler tak best...
hun,that's life.at one point or rather, we go thru it.u will go thru, and still be in one piece.hang in there..
Aiyo.. What happened?
Anyway, sometimes words can be sharper then knife. It's an awful feeling but we got to move on. I know u can, u'd proved it.
words hurt, even sharper than a sword. but, you have a great power to choose, .... either being drifted away by those words, or just to ignore it. sometimes, when we know when to turn off that button (or to turn it on as well), you will see, actually, nobody can hurt you, only you yourself will.
.... so girl, kindly choose the switch off button. assuming that, she is just another thing that spices up your life. you will feel better.
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