Thanks for the memories

Is it normal to feel this way? That someone who used to be very special to you has finally tied the knot. It has been a good-and-terrible 4 years since we broke up. I did not miss him, I never regreted over the separation. I always felt that there was something missing in our relationship. Despite all that, I care a great deal for him. Because he was very kind to me. I have always wish him well. And at times of muhasabah diri and reminiscence of my love-life past, I mentioned his name in my prayers; right after the solah. I wished him happiness and blessings from God. Yes, I do believe in God. And that he listens to my prayers, and he will grant whatever that's best for us. Anyway, I wished him all that. Perhaps me and him in separate lives was the best in any terms.

There's this weird feeling about him elevating to another level in life. Having another woman in his life, who's gonna take care of him. Another family who he will treat as his own. *he used to be very close to my family*  Anyway, where does this feeling rooted from. It's not jealousy. Definitely not anger. It's just....weird! Because that woman used to be me. Plain weird!

Just a few weeks ago, I have spoke to a person, kanda abdul wahib, about sending him an apology message (in facebook or via sms - not that I have his number anyway). But heck, I didn't do it. It was almost new-2010-year, and I had a very strong urge to send my apologies to few chaps that I belieeeve I have done wrong to. I just need to verify their forgiveness (again). Even after all this years (or months-this goes to another chap! haha call me a womanizer. wateva!), their faces came accross my mind quite distinctly and constantly at that time that they remind me of my mistakes. Well anyway, he was one of them.


To you, if you're reading this, which I undoubtedly know you are not, I am sorry for all the crappy-shit I gave you in the past. There you go, I am documenting the confession of my deepest guilt and sincerest apologies. You used to be so nice and loving and sincere and pure. my bad..my bad. just to show how much my mum loves (still is) him, when we finally decided to put our relationship to an end, mum was the one who cried and felt that I screwed up big time! maybe she was right. ;(
Oh well, for the 100th time, I wish you well Hafiz (the feeling is so weird that I HAVE to mention his name out loud)!  Congratulations on your newly wedded life. I hope you will be an excellent husband and the perfect life partner for her.

*thanks for the memories*